I paced slowly around my living room. The casts on my legs had recently been removed and I could finally walk again. I had missed a few weeks of school because of my injury from falling of that cliff. Today was my first day back.
Expecting a warm welcome back, I was quite disappointed. The members of the gay cult had spread nasty rumors about me to cover up their dirty deeds. I was avoided for the most part.
Once I reached first period, I was surprised to see Mrs. Powell had a substitute. The sub explained that Mrs. Powell had experienced sexual ecstasy with her husband for the first time since her con- version in 1969. Pat felt so much guilt that she had a nervous break- down and had to go to a hospital.
"That's disgusting!" someone shouted.
"I know, that does put a nasty picture in your mind," said the sub.
I tried to think of something else when suddenly the sound of many sirens came closer and closer from outside. Before anyone knew what was going on, the whole campus was swarming with cops. Drug dealers rushed madly out of the buildings with their stuff. Trackers fled into the woods like antelope from a lion. Yet the feds ignored all of them and stormed Rupert. Not ever expecting it was me they were after, I sat calmly in my seat.
"Is David Raley in here!?!" called out a cop as about a dozen police in riot gear barged into the class room.
The next thing I knew, they had me down on the floor. Not just hand cuffed, but shackled with a cannibal muzzle.
"What the hell is all this about?" I protested.
"You have the right to remain silent," said a cop "every thing you say can and will be used against you in the court of law." They dragged me out side and shoved me into a police car. The police took me right to the court house where the trial was about to begin.
The court room was packed with all kinds of fruity people. As I walked through it, men began shouting out, "there he is! He's the murderer!" Some people even threw blood at me.
"The state of
"Wait a minute your honor," said my defense lawyer Mr. Einboden, "It's a known fact that my client did not directly cause the avalanche that killed Mr. Douglas."
"Objection!" cried out the prosecutor, "The defendant failed to give into the lord Brian...I mean Mr. Douglas's demands and lured him out to that dangerous gorge."
"This will be decided by the jury," said the judge. Looking over at the jury I noticed that they all seemed to be gay and related to Brian. The jury left the court room and came back five minutes later.
The jury representative came forward and said, "we find the defendant guilty." There were cheers and an enthusiastic applause throughout the court room.
"David Raley," the judge began, "I sentence you to life in prison! You will do hard labor in the states toughest, most ruthless prison for a 700 year sentence." More cheers came from the audience. Mr. Einboden shrugged at me and walked away.
Walking out of the court house, I needed a large police escort because of all the angry fags that saw me as the crucifier of their messiah. I got back in the police car and headed for prison. It was a pleasant country drive until the prison came into view. It looked like a dark, ominous medieval castle.
Once inside, I was taken to a large jail cell with about twenty other men. They were all murderers and rapists. A huge black man named Umah approached me.
"Hey boy," he began, "watcha in here fo? We'd like to get ta know ya better," the man said with a grin. Several other men also got up and moved closer.
"I killed a man," I said trying to sound tough. All of them backed off and seemed to suddenly gain some respect for me. I swallowed and continued, "he was a real fag named Brian Douglas. I crushed him under several tons of scrap metal."
The men's expressions changed to rage. "THE Brian Douglas!?!" said a spanish man, "The queen of all drag queens!?!"
"Um, ah, well, it was more of a manslaughter ya see," I said in defense. The men ignored me and they all grabbed weapons and ropes and prepared for a gang rape. But just when they were almost upon me, a guard came forward and called out, "lunch time!" All the inmates forgot about me for the moment and rushed out of the cell towards the cafeteria. Lagging along behind them, I walked past an open window.
"Psst, David," some one whispered through the window. It was Jim Morrison from the Doors.
"Oh my god!" I shouted "how can this be? I thought you died back in 1971."
"Shh, not so loud. It was all a hoax to get away from the press. I've been living with Elvis in
"Hurry up, those guards will notice I'm not in the cafeteria when they take roll call," I said.
"Don't interrupt me," retorted Jim "Now listen. When you walk past that soda machine down the hall, just move it aside and you'll find a door that's unlocked. Go through there and run like you've never run before until you get to safety," said Jim. Just then a VW bus pulled up behind him. Inside was Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Jopelyn, John Lenon, and Jerry Garcia. "Well, I gotta go. Good luck to ya and tell your friends to buy some Doors's albums," said Jim as he hopped into the bus and sped off.
"Wow," I said to myself "Rock stars are amazing." Just then I heard a guard approaching. I ducked into a shadowy corner until he had passed. I crept quietly down the hall until I came to the soda machine. I began pushing it and it hardly budged. Then with a sudden rush of adrenalin it began to move. But then I lost control and the whole machine fell on top of me.
I pushed it off of me and stood up seemingly unhurt. But I was no longer in a jail anymore. I was in some kinda field covered in a thick fog. From off in the distance a human like voice moaned, "ohhh myyyyyyy." An extremely bright neon yellow light shot through the fog. It came closer and closer until I could see a human like creature that was a cross between a man and a woman. It was Brian! "Brian!" I exclaimed, "I thought you died, became a zombie, then possessed Joe, then became the good Fruit Fairy."
"Don't you realize this is just a coma like illusion, ohhh myyyy," said Brian.
"Huh?" I said as I suddenly woke up tied down in a mental hospital bed. "Why does it always have to end like this?" I whined.
THE
END
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