The Church Police VI: The Aftermath

THE AFTERMATH

"Dear Bajahi, save me!" I screamed as I plumeted to the ground. Every second I built up more and more velocity as the ground loomed closer and closer.

The basillica steps were less than 50 feet below me when someone cried out, "I've gwot uh fwying mwachwine!" Suddenly a strange looking plane came out of nowhere and swept me away. I had landed on top of its wings in the nick of time. It was an unusual aircraft that looked a lot like the Wright Brother's plane. I peered over the edge of the wing to see Joey Wayhall sitting in the open cockpit below. Behind him OJ peddled away furiously on an exercise bike that seemed to be powering the plane's propellers.

"You guys saved my life," I said as clung on to the wing. The plane was going very fast.

"Nwo sweat Dwe Awre," said Joey. "Dwo you want ta dwo a woopty woop?"

"No!" I said. "Just get me down to the ground."

OJ slowed down the peddling and Joey landed the plane right on the street infront of the basillica. I hoped off the wings and walked slowly over to the basillica steps(I was still in pain from lord Powell's chastisements). The whole group of comrades were gathered around something on the steps in a circle. Everyone seemed to be very happy.

"Whats everybody looking at?" I asked as I pushed through the wall of people. Lying on the steps in the center of the circle was the body of lord Powell. She had hit the ground so hard the steps beneath her were cracked. Blood had splattered everywhere within a twenty foot radius. Lord Powell had a devious grin frozen on her face. She had been joyfull with Jesus even in splatterment.

"I wonder how this happened?" remarked Alden as he knelt down beside lord Powell's corpse.

"I know," I said. Everyone turned around and looked at me as if they had just noticed me.

"Where did you come from DR?" asked Aaron.

"Its a long story," I said as I explained to everyone the events that had befallen me up in the bell loft.

"I guess thats the end of all that," said Stephen.

Just then Rick emerged from the basillica. He was badly bruised from his long fight with the bell tower monk. "Hey guys," said Rick in a panicky voice. "The building is on fire!"

We looked up to see that nearly the whole bell tower was engulfed with flame. "Brian is up there," said I.

"We've got to save him!" screamed OJ as he Joey ran towards the plane. But before they could get off the ground, a person blazing with fire jumped off the bell tower inferno.

"Ohhh myyyy!" screamed Brian as he illuminated the night with his highly flamable jacket aflame. He hit the ground hard and Brian was no more. Aaorn, OJ, and Joey Wayhall rushed to Brian's side as they wept bitter tears. The bell tower fire kept spreading until the entire basillica burned to the ground.

A group of inner city children came by and took lord Powell's body. They said they wanted to play basketball with her head. We gave them permission gladly.

Once we were back at the old abortion clinic, I was taken into the sick room for the wounds that lord Powell inflicted on me to be examined. I read a copy of Girls and Farm Animals as I lay on the bed, waiting for Dr. Aaron.

"Alright DR," said Aaron as he entered the room. "Let me examine those nasty wounds." He inspected my back briefly and then started unzipping my pants.

"Uh, there's nothing wrong with that area," I said as I squirmed away from Aaron's touch.

"I'm a doctor DR," said Aaron. "I must inspect everything."

"But not that!" I shouted as I leapt off the bed and ran out of the room.

"Come back DR!" pleaded Aaron. "Oh shit."

 * * *

The next day there was a council between all the comrades. We had to decide what was to be down with the country now that the capital was in our hands.

"It's high time that communism shined from sea to sea," said Alden from his chair at the long rectangular table.

"Your insane," said Suketu. "I worked hard to gather my wealth. I'm not going to be forced to be on the same level as any lazy bumb." Every one looked in my direction at these words.

"Look," said Alden in his best debateing voice. "I'm not trying to make you poor, I'm want to bring the wisdom of Karl Marx to America. Imagine, a utopia in which the goverment made decisions for every comrade and payed every comrade the same. There would be no greed whatsoever."

"I agree with you Alden," said Stephen.

"Your both crazy," said Aaron. "I studied hard in school to get where I was before lord Powell came into power. Your not going to make a Russian plow jockey out ah me."

"Fellas," said Rick suddenly. "Can I just put my two cents into this? Its time The Rock was the president."

"Wait a minute," said I. "I thought The Rock had to change his name because lord Powell considered it a mockery of St. Peter."

"I know," said Rick. "His new name is The Limestone but what say does lord Powell have in this anymore? She's dead."

"Can we get back on the subject at hand?" said Alden. "Now I'd like to hear what DR, the lame Edward, and Jon have to say."

"Anarchy now!" I proclaimed.

"Uh...no," said Stephen. "That wouldn't work."

"Listen," said Edward. "Its goddamn time we had a king; ME, Eduardo the Great."

"A king?!" said Alden. "You want to regress back to the colonial days? I think not."

"How could you be a king?" I said. "You can't have any children, your balls were blown off."

"What are you talking about?" said Edward. "I already have 32 children from 30 different women."

"I don care whut kinda govement we get," said Jon. "Just as long as we got the right ta marry our sibalins."

"I gaurantee you will have that right in our communist utopia," said Alden.

Just then OJ and Joey Wayhall rushed into the room. "Gwuess what?" said Joey excitedly. "Thewrs a cwowd of thwousands of pweople outswide."

"Yeah," continued OJ in his feminen voice. "The word has spread around fast that the president, vice president, and the speaker of the house have all been assasinated."

"Hey, none of it was my fault," I said defensively.

"Anyways," said OJ. "The people are looking to you guys for leadership."

"Lets quickly organize some political parties," said Alden. "I'll run for President, Stephen will be my Vice President."

"I'll run against you for President," said Suketu. "Aaron will be my VP."

"Youw bwetter wun out thwa dwoor wight nwow!" said Joey.

We walked out side to see that several thousand people were gathered in the streets outside the clinic. Someone had already set up a PA system.

"Alright folks," said Alden into his microphone. "How would you like complete equality between everyone? There will be no rich, only comrades the same level as you. How about it?"

"Yay! Whoopie! Oh my! Communism!" shouted the crowd.

"Don't be fooled," said Suketu into his mic. "Look at how bad off the USSR and China were. Wouldn't you all like a chance to be rich and successfull?"

"Yay! Whoopie! Oh boy! Capatalism!" shouted the crowd.

"You people don't know what the hell you want!" said Alden.

The debate was about to continue when suddenly a thunderous voice from atop a building across the street rang out: "Silence you fool!" It was Adrian holding her own microphone. "I am Adrian the Conqueror. You shall all bow before me, your supreme dictator, or else."

"Or else what?" I asked defiantly into Alden's mic.

"Or else this!" said Adrian as she stepped to the side. Behind her was a humongous missile lying on its side. "This bomb has the potence to destroy the entire country," said Adrian. "Either obey me or you will all die!"

Adrian brandished the detonator remote control at us as we quivered in fear. Suddenly, a full bodied condom came down on top of Adrian. She fell over and rolled off the ledgeless building. Standing triumphantly on the rooftop was Bill.

"I've saved your lives with one of my condoms," said Bill. "Now let me explain how I got up...doh!" screamed Bill as he stubbed his toe on the large missile. It remained potential for several seconds and then it began to roll off the building. We held our breaths in fear as the missile plummeted to the ground.

*T*H*E***E*N*D*