The Church Police III: Come Together

"Take a look at this nonsense!" I exclaimed to my followers as I looked into a public elementary school's classroom window. The children were being forced to pray the Nicene Creed, despite the fact that most of them weren't Catholic. The men and I then proceeded to barge into the building carrying our laser blasters. The school had a few Church Police guards but we caught them completely by surprise.

After the Church Police were dealt with, or I should say blown to pieces, I flung open the door to the class room. "Stop your praying!" I shouted. The students all stopped praying and looked at me curiously.

"Just what do you think you are doing?" asked the nun teacher(in a public school!)angrily.

"I'm putting an end to this," I said. "Run free little ones! And don't hesitate to commit sacriligeous acts!" The children let out screams of glee as they stampeeded over the nun and ran outside. Just then one of my men stepped into the room.

"Hey boss," he said. "We better get out of here fast. More Church Police are already on their way." The whole militia and I then stole away back to our hide out in the woods before the Church Police arrived. Once we got back to the camp, I entered kitchen tent. Brian was seated at the table eating a banana.

"How come I didn't get to go on this mission?" asked Brian.

"Because it involved young children, thats why," I said.

"Ohhh myyyy," moaned Brian as he leapt up and ran to the bathroom.

"What was I thinking when I recruited that homo?" I said to myself.

For the next several months the militia and I traveled from town to town, always closer to D.C. After a few more drastic operations such as setting school kids free nearly ended in getting caught, we decided to just do hit and run sacreligious acts. Examples of this would be streaking congregations during mass, defficating in confessionals, urinating in holy water, and worse. At every town more and more people who sought an end to Powell's reign joined us and over threw the Church Police of their town. The country was on the verge of a second civil war.

Lord Powell had taken control of the media so that every thing was expressed through the Church's biased point of view. The only newspapers left were ones like the Catholic Standard. News shows and newspapers tore me apart daily until I was internationaly famous.

On one particular evening, as I sat in my tent, the camp phone rang. The caller had a strange yet vaguely familiar voice. He identified himself as Avinash Adiseshu. Avinash said that he and several other conspirators who were interested in the rebelion wanted me to meet them at an abandoned abortion clinic somewhere in the outskirts of D.C.

"Sounds like a trap, ohhh myyyy," said Brian after I told him about the phone call.

"Could be," I replied. "But we need all the help we can get."

The next day Brian, a couple men from the militia, and I all got into a car that formerly belung to a priest and drove to the abandoned clinic. After an hour's drive or so we reached the clinic. It's windows were boarded up and Pro-Life graffiti covered the walls. The fence that surrounded the clinic seemed to still ring with the shouts of anti-abortion picketers. Several suspicious cars were parked in the parking lot. Overall there was a very ominous look about the place.

"Well, I'm going in," I told those who had come with me. "Brian, you come with in with me. As for the rest of you, stay in the car, unless you here any sound of trouble." Brian and I walked up to the front door of the clinic and knocked on it.

"Who is it?" asked someone from inside.

"I'm uh, some one who's come here for a meeting about the rebelion," I said.

"Brian is here too, ohhh myyyy," said Brian. The person at the door then flung it open revealing Aaron.

"Its you DR!" said Aaron. "Come on inside, we've been expecting you. Oh, hello Brian," said Aaron who avoided making eye contact with Brian. Aaron and Brian had gone to the senior prom together and never lived it down.

Inside, seated around a long rectangular table were Alden, Joe, Suketu, Rick, Edward, Jon, and Stephen. Most of the group had aged fairly well, namely those who had kept running after high school. But others like Alden, Jon, and Edward were grossly overweight. Once pleasantries were aside and everyone had downed a few beers, they proceeded to tell about how lord Powell caused them to lose their jobs.

Aaron had gone to a prestigious medical school and become a neuron surgeon. After Powell came into power, all specialist doctors had to either go serve people in a 3rd world country or lose their jobs. Aaron chose the later.

Alden chose the career of a chemical warfare specialist. But after Powell put an end to all world militaries, Alden had to get a job at McDonalds.

Joe had become a popular politician. He was planning on running for Congress until Powell replaced all members of the judicial and legislative offices with priests and bishops.

Suketu did not have to lose his job as a wealthy plastic surgeon. But after Tu was forced to perform breast implantation on lord Powell, Suketu quit.

Rick rose to the position of a crafty agent for a popular Pro Wrestler. But Powell created a law saying that all pro wrestlers must dress modestly and praise the lord before and after each fight. Wrestling quickly lost it's appeal and Rick was soon unemployed.

Edward became a renowned drummer in a semi-Satanic band called Albatros. They group was celebrating it's first hit single just as lord Powell came into power. She proclaimed that all rock bands must either become Christian rock bands or be banned permanently.

Jon had started a hard-core pornography magazine called "Girls and Farm Animals." Obviously, Jon's magazine became illegal, leaving him unemployed. Also, because of over population and over development there was scarcely any land left for farming, circa 2014.

Stephen though on the other hand, was more successfull than ever. He had become a master diamond thief who used the latest in state of the art technology. Stephen had smoothly worked his way around the world's most rigorous and advanced security systems. Lord Powell decided to take all famous diamonds out of museums and use them to help pay for the construction of massive cathedrals. The diamonds were replaced by holy relics of saints and biblical characters. Thus Stephen became a notorious relic thief.

"Wait a minute," said Rick. "What have you been doing for the last 15 years DR?"

"Oh, uh, this is pretty embarrassing," I stammered. "I've been working as a gargbage man and I've had a part time job at the Kwick E Mart. But really, I'm just as outraged about lord Powell as the rest of you are."

Once everyone had told there stories of plight, Joe stood up as the group's spokes man. "You see David," began Joe. "Each of us have different skills and a good deal of followers. Allow us to aid you in your revoulution and it just might be a success."

"Alright," I said from my chair at the head of the table. "I will assign you positions. Joe, Aaron, and Suketu, you three will be the generals of our army. Alden, I want you to devise some powerfull chemical weapons to use against the Church Police. Stephen you and I will go on a spy mission into lord Powell's head quarters. Rick and Edward, you are in charge of training troops to fight Church Police. Jon, you are responsible for military transportation."

"That really sucks!" said Jon.

"How the hell else are we gonna get around?" I retorted.

"Anways, who did I forget?"

"Me, oh boy," said Brian.

"Okay, you can be in charge of, uhh...lets see...I know, you will be in charge of defileing religious sanctuaries."

"Oh yeah!" said Brian with glee.

"Alright everyone," I commanded. "Get to work! Start organizing all the members of our army. Stephen, go get a car ready for the spy mission and the rest of you start doing your jobs." The room cleared out as I sat back in my chair and opened up a copy of Girls and Farm Animals that John had left behind. I read it for a few minutes until I was suddenly interrupted.

"He he, not now Joey," whispered someone from under the table on the opposite end.

"Who's there?" I said as I reached for my laser blaster hand gun.

"Its me OJ," said OJ as he peered cautiously over the edge of the table.

"And Joey Wayhall!" shouted Joey Wayhall as he leapt up from under the table excitedly.

"What the hell are you two doing under this table?" I interogated fiercly.

"We're uh, cleaning down here," said OJ. "Its our job."

"Yeawh, theres lowts of gwum undwer the twabble," said Joey.

"Wait a minute," I said. "Why are you cleaning the table if this place is abandoned?"

"Oh, uh..." said OJ while scratching his head. "No, we're under here because today is the 36th anniversary of abortion being made legal so we're protesting by hiding under the table."

"But I thought lord Powell made it illegal again?" said I who saw through there scheme.

"The weason we were undwer the twabble," chimed in Joey. "Is becwause we is twunnel dwiggers and we jwust happwened to cwum up twough thwis fwoor."

"I don't see any holes on the floor," I said after looking under the table. "Look, all I want to know is if you two were up to something suspicious."

"Yeawh," said Joey

"No!" cut in OJ quickly.

"Wait a minute," I said. "Why did he say 'yeah'? Whats that bulky object under you shirt OJ?"

"Its a twape recworder," said Joey.

"Shut up you fool! Its just my...hey! Get off me!" said OJ as I grabbed him and ripped open his shirt. Strapped to his chest was a tape recorder that had lord Powell's insignia on it.

"Your spys eh?" I said while grabbing them both by the collar. "How did you find me?"

"We tapped your phone," said a qivering OJ.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill both of you right now?" I barked angrily.

"Pwease down't hurwt us!" said Joey, almost in tears.

Just then Brian re-entered the room. "Hey DR," called Brian. "I just defiled the nearest church. I made such a mess on the altar, oh myyy...oh, what are you two doing here?"

"Brian!" shouted OJ as he and Joey threw themselves at Brian's feet. "Please don't let DR hurt us."

"Come on DR, you know how much these two mean to me, ohhh myyyy," pleaded Brian on their behalf.

"Alright," I said. "I'll spare you two weasles if you promise to reject lord Powell and make yourselves usefull to the revolution."

"How can we hewlp?" asked Joey.

"Well, you can start by helping Brian defile holy places," I said. The three of them skipped out of the room with joy just as Stephen walked back into room.

"What were all those queers doing here?" asked Stephen. "Anyways, the car is ready."

"Alright, lets go. I guess we should bring some weapons along," I said as I picked up a heavy laser blaster. Stephen and I then got into our spy car and took off. We decided to do a little sight seeing of our nation's capitol before we started our work. We thought Powell couldn't have changed the beautiful city too much. We were wrong.

Lord Powell had made D.C. into the American equivalent of the Vatican. A huge cross had been planted on top Monument. The statue of Lincoln in his memorial had been removed and replaced by a statue in memory of John Paul II. The Vietnam Memorial had been covered with names for the new Christian Martyr Memorial. The Capitol had been made into a storage house because the new clergical congress had been moved to the National Shrine of the Imaculate Reception Basilica.

"Look what they did to the Air and Space Museum!" I said from the passenger seat of the car.

"Huh?" said Stephen as he looked over at what I was pointing at.

"Look out!" I screamed as we crashed into a side walk tree.

"Oh shit!" said Stephen. "Now what are we going to do?"

"I guess we'll have to get out and walk," I said. We got out of the car and paced away quickly on the side walk before any Church Police could investigate the accident.

"The White House can't be to far from here," said Stephen.

"Alms for the poor?" asked a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk.

"Sure," I said as I tossed him a nickle. "Hey, I know you, your Dr. Fischer, my psychologist from high school."

"David, is that you?" asked Dr. Fischer.

"Yeah its me. Why are you asking for money on the side of a the street like a bum?" I asked.

"Well, you see," said Dr. Fischer. "After lord Powell came into power, she said that all psychologists must become counselors for post exorsist victims. I didn't want to do that so I became unemployed."

"Sorry to here that," I said. "Could you tell my friend here and I the way to the White House?"

"Sure, its just two blocks that way," said Dr. Fischer.

"Thanks," I said as Stephen and I continued our way down the side walk. Soon we reached the White House. A special kind of Church Police made just for the protection of lord Powell were at every door, behind every tree in the front lawn, and even on the roof of the White House. These Church Police wore red plastic armour suits with long red cloaks. Each one of them carried a tall cross staff that could shoot out lasers and be used as a light lance.

"How the hell are we gonna get past all these guys?" said I to Stephen while clutching the White House Fence.

"Just leave it to me," said Stephen with confidence. "I've gotten past much worse than this." We walked around the fence to the back side of the white house. This side had the least protection. Steve took out a flair gun from his utility belt and fired it at the White House. The flair sailed right over the building and landed somewhere in the front yard, creating a loud explosion. The few red Special Church Policemen in the back yard raced around the house quickly to investigate the noise.

Stephen then took out something from his belt that looked like a harpoon gun. He fired it at the roof of the White House and the harpoon stuck firmly. It left a rope that stretched from the roof to where we were.

"Your Batman!" I said as Stephen attached the gun to the fence.

"Now all we have to do is climb to the roof on this rope," said Stephen. We slithered along the rope like rats on to a ship. But just when we were nearing the roof, a Special Church Policeman peered over the ledge at us.

"Halt loafers," he commanded in a robotic voice. He then used his cross staff as a light lance and slashed the rope we were climbing.

"Ahh!" I screamed as I plumeted to the ground. From his tool belt, Stephen produced a pair of glider wings and sailed away smoothly as I hit the ground hard.

TO BE CONTINUED